i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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