The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
