So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
