i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
