Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
