Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
