No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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