I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
