i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
