You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
