the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
