Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
