I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
