Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
