So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
