Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Did you just see the Batmobile???
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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