just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think people are normalizing furries
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
