Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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