am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
