my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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