yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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