hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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