I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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