lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
