is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
