question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
