susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
