my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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