he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
