How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
