your room smells of hookers.
And success
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
