honey bunches of taint.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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