They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
