Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
50% drunk capacity currently
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
