when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
