woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
