he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We have started to decorate penises.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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