and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
