this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
