I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
