you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
