Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
