i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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