Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
