Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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