sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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