Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
