Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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