I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
