That's intense
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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