you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I cannot find my penis.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
