Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
