her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
